“Two people cannot walk together unless they agree.”
Marriage is the union of two individuals who have chosen to walk through life together. The man leaves his parents, joins his wife, and together they become one. They agree to manage finances together, make decisions as a team, support each other’s growth, serve God together, raise a family, care for their relatives, and so much more—all from a place of mutual agreement. But sometimes, it doesn’t always go smoothly.
Over time, couples may discover how different they really are. Their opinions may clash, their dreams and desires might not align, and their reasoning may no longer match. This can create a distance between them, and resentment begins to build. They might avoid certain topics, and each person starts doing things their own way because they can no longer accommodate each other. As this continues, the gap widens, and the warmth that God intended for the marriage begins to fade.
So, how do we address these differences without all the pain? Scripture teaches that God created each of us uniquely in His image, with different gifts and talents that are meant to edify those around us—especially those we live and work with. In marriage, every strength becomes the couple’s collective strength, not the individual’s. The differences that exist should complement one another, rather than drive a wedge between the partners.
Recognizing and embracing this can tear down the walls of competition and restore unity. While it isn’t easy, remember that with Christ, all things are possible.
Here’s how to approach it:
- See your spouse as a gift. Reflect on the things they do that you would have struggled with, and appreciate those unique qualities.
- Make time for prayer, thanking God for your differences.
- Plan a meaningful date with your spouse focused on addressing your differences.
- During the date, apologize for any actions stemming from disagreements.
- List the areas where you don’t see eye to eye, discussing each one by acknowledging each other’s strengths. Bring up the issues you’ve avoided talking about and discuss them without placing blame.
- Agree on a way forward, with the goal of reconciling your differences and coming to a mutual understanding.
- Start involving each other in your individual activities, allowing God to work through your marriage.
- If things still don’t seem to improve, seek help. Reach out to a mentor couple or a professional marriage counselor.
Don’t give up on your marriage. Keep working to make it better, and trust that with patience and effort, healing and growth are possible.