“We continue to lose marriages due to unhealthy boundaries, and it breaks my heart deeply. 😞 The impact of a broken marriage ripples through the individuals involved, their children, the church, and society at large.

Many couples date, yet fail to appreciate vital aspects of marriage, both in the present and in the future. Avoiding discussions about finances, roles and responsibilities, past experiences, dealing with in-laws, involvement in ministry, sexual intimacy, and emergency responses can have devastating consequences later on in the relationship.

Couples must engage in honest conversations about each other’s strengths and weaknesses, personal values, personality traits, dreams, preferences, and aspirations. It’s easy to focus solely on the fun—dates, outings, meeting friends, and sharing sweet messages (which are all wonderful and important in their own right). However, deeper, more intimate conversations are essential to truly understand each other.

As someone passionate about marriage and relationships, I find joy in witnessing couples who communicate genuinely and truthfully. When you see them together, it’s clear—they are deeply in love. Today, I’m reminded of the saying: Ukiona vyaelea, jua vimeundwa—things in marriage don’t happen automatically. Marriage is not something you can just put on autopilot, and that’s a misconception we must challenge.

Establishing healthy boundaries for each person in the relationship is crucial to preserving the marriage. Be proactive about communicating your expectations, desires, and needs. Ensure your spouse understands what those mean to you. And if a boundary is crossed, speak up early, so that solutions can be sought promptly.

We can protect our marriages by setting and respecting clear boundaries. Your partner’s values, preferences, and needs are valid and should be respected. There’s space for this in a healthy marriage.

Before making any decisions about leaving, take time to reflect—do a SWOT analysis of your relationship. Seek guidance from a counselor or a spiritual mentor if needed.

This isn’t to say people should remain in abusive relationships—no. Marriage is about collaboration and teamwork. Who knows? A single adjustment might be the key to saving a marriage. Set boundaries and honor them.”