What Do I Bring to My Marriage?

When I was younger, attending school and serving in the youth ministry, I admired a particular couple in our church. They seemed composed, always together, and looked to be in their 50s. There was no public display of affection, but if you paid attention to the little details of how married couples interacted, like I did, you would see the genuine love and respect they had for each other. I always knew where they sat in church, and when they missed a service, I would notice. Their relationship made me believe in the beauty of marriage, transforming my mindset from thinking marriage doesn’t work to understanding that it does.

As a young girl, witnessing this, I prayed to God, asking for a marriage like theirs. And in His faithfulness, God answered my prayers. I was joyfully married, dreaming of a happily-ever-after, just like the couple I had admired in church.

But it wasn’t as easy as I had imagined. My husband and I rarely went to church together, we didn’t dress in expensive clothes like they did, or drive fancy cars. Almost every Sunday morning, or Saturday evening, we found ourselves fighting over something, if not everything. Our Sunday mornings were often spent apart, with lingering tension, unlike the couple we had admired. I felt miserable, and I knew my husband felt the same.

One day, I decided to visit the woman from the couple I had admired. She was warm, welcoming, and willing to share her wisdom on marriage. Here’s what I learned:

1. No marriage is perfect. No one is perfect, except for God. So, don’t expect perfection. If you seek perfection, you must engage God—who is perfect—in your life and your marriage.
2. Good marriages don’t just happen. They require effort and work from both partners.
3. Don’t compare your marriage to someone else’s. You are unique, and so is your marriage. God has a purpose for your union, and He brought you together for a reason, even though you may be different in many ways.
4. Focus on what you can bring to your marriage. Rather than expecting to receive, shift your focus to giving. If you concentrate on giving, you will find joy and fulfillment. If you focus on receiving, you’ll never feel truly content. Use your gifts, talents, and abilities to enhance your marriage first, before trying to enhance the lives of others. If you’re generous, let your spouse be the first to benefit from that generosity.
5. When things aren’t going as expected, look inward. Before blaming your spouse, ask yourself: “Have I done enough? What more can I bring to the relationship?” Don’t give up too soon.
6. Remember that you are a team, not competitors. Plan together, work together, and celebrate together. Instead of criticizing each other’s weaknesses, learn to complement and support one another.
7. Pray together. Never underestimate the power of prayer in a marriage. “Pray, pray, and after you’ve prayed, pray,” were her words of advice.

This story is based on a true experience. I pray that it can make a meaningful difference in your marriage.