Is “Happily Ever After” a Reality or a Fallacy? Discuss. (20 Marks)

Ten years ago, on a day much like today, I was running around, consumed with preparations for my wedding day. Why do I find myself laughing now, a decade later? I was ready for the new life we would begin together—living side by side, sharing dreams, completing each other’s sentences, and finding solace in the comfort of beach gardens beneath the stars, enjoying the beautiful life that awaited us. If you know me well, you’d understand I had big dreams.

My wedding was beautiful. I was overjoyed. I married the man I believed God had chosen for me, and I’m grateful I did. But what neither of us truly grasped—or what we were too excited to notice—was that we were stepping into a complex institution that required intentional, hard work. Marriage, we soon realized, is more than love and joy. It demands effort—constant work to maintain the relationship. The struggles to understand each other’s personalities, live harmoniously without constant conflict, deal with our differing approaches to money, and navigate past traumas, experiences, and baggage were challenges we faced head-on. These were realities that caught us by surprise, but we had no choice but to confront them.

Reflecting on the past decade and hearing others’ experiences, I’ve spent time contemplating what God’s design for marriage is today. A few truths have become clear to me:

1. Christ-Like Character: God expects us to reflect Christ in our relationships. Each spouse has a responsibility to develop a character that aligns with God’s word. The commitment to marriage is a decision to pursue God’s purposes together, keeping in mind that we are both works in progress.
2. We Are Not Alone: As social beings, we need one another to fulfill our God-given assignments. Marriage is meant to be a partnership where we complement each other’s strengths, building a little heaven in our shared space. God’s design is for our strengths to not only benefit our families but also the wider community.
3. God’s Grace Sustains Marriage: Marriage requires grace to survive. The ability to forgive, show love, kindness, and patience doesn’t come naturally. It’s an act of intentionality, leaning on God’s strength to embody these virtues. Both spouses need God’s mercy daily, as we are all imperfect.
4. Selflessness is Essential: When we focus too much on ourselves rather than ministering to our spouse, feelings of being underappreciated, used, or taken for granted arise. Christ showed us the ultimate example of selflessness. God expects us to give generously to one another, without always seeking our own comfort.
5. Knowledge is Power: Marriage struggles can stem from a lack of knowledge. Constant learning is crucial—read books, study God’s word, attend seminars and conferences, and seek counsel from like-minded couples. Knowledge equips us to handle challenges better.
6. Taking Care of Yourself is Not Selfish: Self-care is vital. This includes eating well, exercising, seeking therapy when needed, and investing in self-development. However, self-care doesn’t mean neglecting your spouse’s needs. We are meant to support one another, especially in areas where one partner may need help.
7. Your Spouse is a Gift: Treat your spouse as the gift they are. Despite conflicts and difficult moments, there are always high points. God’s grace ensures that. Appreciate and affirm each other regularly. In times of conflict, offer grace, making sure your spouse feels needed and accepted, despite the challenges.
8. Take Breaks: Doing something new, whether together or individually, is essential. Break the monotony and avoid the trap of familiarity. God designed marriage to be full of joy and companionship, so it’s important to keep excitement alive.
9. Celebrate Individuality: It’s okay to have different personalities, dreams, and goals. God created us uniquely. A strong marriage supports each individual’s growth and passions. When a spouse is empowered to be themselves, it benefits the entire family.
10. Foster Intimate Connection: A strong emotional, spiritual, and intellectual bond leads to a more fulfilling sexual connection. This is an essential aspect of a healthy marriage and deserves its own dedicated attention.

Is “Happily Ever After” a Reality or a Fallacy?

After ten years of marriage, I have come to believe that “happily ever after” is not a fantasy, but a reality that requires effort, grace, and commitment. It’s not a perfect, smooth journey; it’s about navigating challenges together, learning, growing, and loving intentionally. While struggles are inevitable, the reward is a deeper connection, fulfilling purpose, and lasting joy.