The Trap of Losing Yourself

“I lost myself and no longer understand what happened to the authentic me.”
Have you ever resonated with this statement? I know I have, more than once, and perhaps I’m still grappling with certain aspects of it.
This sense of losing oneself often occurs during major life transitions—entering a long-term relationship, marriage, starting a new job, having children, caring for a sick loved one, switching careers, responding to ministry demands, taking on new business ventures, or facing any significant life change.

In today’s world, with constant pressures and demands, it’s easy to lose sight of who we are. We can become so absorbed by events and other people’s priorities that we surrender our own agency and sense of initiative. This can happen to such an extent that we no longer recognize ourselves, and we let our values, priorities, and dreams fade into the background.

We often suppress our needs, desires, and emotions, losing touch with our true selves and what we truly want in life. We stop nurturing our growth, stop pursuing our passions, or even neglect our inner well-being to the point where it withers away.

Losing ourselves is a common and subtle trap, but it’s crucial to address it, as it robs us of the joy and meaning life has to offer. We can get so caught up in work and busyness that we prioritize our jobs over our own lives. The demands of our roles, expectations from our managers, and the pressures of our organizations can lead us to forget who we are.

In extreme cases, we may worship our work—chasing wealth, status, or prestige—and let it define us. Without white space in our lives, we risk losing our sense of self.

Similarly, the addiction to success or the desire for admiration can take us far from our true selves. Driven by wounded egos or a need to please others, we often stray from our core values in pursuit of recognition. The more obsessed we become with success, the more we compromise authenticity and values, losing sight of the people we love or the passions that once fueled us. We can become so consumed by the chase that we forget to nurture our unique gifts and individuality, even transforming into mere “success robots,” following social programming instead of our true calling.

As we chase success relentlessly, we can lose touch with our soul and become trapped in the roles we play. We may also fall into the trap of trying to please others, seeking validation and approval from everyone around us. This constant pursuit leaves us stretched thin, forgetting our own needs, health, and aspirations. It’s exhausting trying to gain the favor of others, especially when most people are too preoccupied with their own struggles to truly notice.

Another way we can lose ourselves is by accepting cultural programming. Growing up with beliefs ingrained by our parents, peers, and society can shape the way we live our lives, often without questioning it. We may adopt false paradigms such as:

• Life is a competition.
• Everything in the world is winner-take-all.
• We can’t trust anyone.
• Life is a constant struggle and we must keep fighting.
• We must never stop working.
• We are worthless.
• We are unworthy of love and respect.
• We are only as valuable as our achievements.
• Bad things happen because we deserve them.
• Money and success are everything.

Ask yourself: What have you lost yourself to? And at what cost?

It’s never too late to return to your true self, to reconnect with the person you were always meant to be—the authentic version of you that existed before the world shaped your identity.

Consider seeking clarity through prayer or self-reflection, and let God lead you back to your true path.